TEMPER TANTRUMS

GUIDELINES FOR PARENTS:

Temper tantrums are usually more a problem at home than at school. The causes can be varied but usually include the following:

1. Inconsistent means of discipline or control by adults.

2. The child may have found that temper tantrum is a very profitable means of getting his or her own way.

3. Conflicting standards between parents or parents and grandparents,etc. If adults disagree, these conflicting standards can not only cause confusion on what is the proper behavior but also increase frustration and tempermental outbursts.

4. Prolonged periods of illness, especially during very early childhood years where the child has received a disproportionate amount of attention and has been very used to getting his or her own way.

5. Overcritical, harsh, or nagging parents. This can build resentment in the child who may take his or her anger out at one or both parents.

6. Overindulgence. Parents who tend to give in to little tantrums to avoid conflict or upsetting the child may be inadvertently discouraging the development of the child's ability to learn to control his or her impulses and behavior. This can lead to even more severe temper tantrums which the child exhibits in an attempt to get his or her own way.

7. Imitation by the child of observed adult outbursts of temper. Children often model their behavior and style of expressing their emotions by modeling parental behavior.

In treatment the child needs to learn to re-learn how to handleand express their emotions in a socially positive way. Usually it isgood to help the child understand that there is no bad feeling or wrong feeling, there is only wrong behavior and they need to explore ways that are okay for them to express their anger. In addition, the child must learn that a temper tantrum never results in a victory. It is also often helpful to work with the child's parents and to determine which of the causes listed above may have contributed to the condition and to remove them. In addition, the parents and adults should never talk to or reason with the child during an emotional outburst. The reasoning should be done sometime after the tantrum is over and the child has had time to cool off. In addition, it is helpful to not make any reference directly to the tantrum. The tantrum itself should not bring attention, rather praise or encouragement should be given for the desirable behavior when it happens.

In addition, the parents themselves much provide an example of calm and considerate behavior. When it becomes necessary to remove the child during a temper tantrum because of danger to himself or others, it should be done without any lectures and in a very calm, firm manner without comment. Giving the child the option of going to their room until they cool off is often an effective technique at helping them regain composure. There should be no time limit placed on the child being in the room. The child should simply be told that when they can calm down and regain control of themselves they will be allowed to discuss the issues with their parents. Tantrums usually quickly subside without an audience.